My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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