help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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