My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
