i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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