There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
