our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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