and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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