As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
