dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
