Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
