Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
