He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
