Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
