What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
