I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize