every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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