When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize