My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
