That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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