the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
