I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
