i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
