He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
