Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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