GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
