You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Houston, we have a blender
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
