i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
