Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
