1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
