two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
