Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
