Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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