You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize