May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
