Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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