White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
