I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
