I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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