Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
