My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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