he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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