I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
