Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
