Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
