just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
