Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
