The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
