Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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