Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
