Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
