i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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