he wants to bone in the snuggie
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Randomize
