the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
