Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
