I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
