I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
