booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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