I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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