the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
