I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
