WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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