He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
