He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
