Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
