Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
