a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
