I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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