So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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